{"id":8003,"date":"2018-03-27T15:17:07","date_gmt":"2018-03-27T19:17:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.myface.org\/?p=8003"},"modified":"2018-04-02T14:26:53","modified_gmt":"2018-04-02T18:26:53","slug":"staring-isnt-staring-if-you-smile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.myface.org\/es\/staring-isnt-staring-if-you-smile\/","title":{"rendered":"Staring isn’t staring if you smile"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I first started working at myFace, one of the things I was most afraid of was hurting someone\u2019s feelings. I had no experience with craniofacial difference prior to working here, and I know going in that I was going to be meeting new people, people who looked very different than I was used to. One thing I realized, was that I had no idea <\/span>how <\/span><\/i>to interact with people, although at the time I thought I did. Before myFace, I very heavily relied on <\/span>not looking <\/span><\/i>at people with difference; pretending I hadn\u2019t noticed them at all, whether it was because of a disability or something else. I knew staring was rude, and so I was very determined not to stare. <\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Savannah

Jaimeson and myself and Races For Faces<\/p><\/div>\n

It turns out that approach doesn\u2019t work when you are working with people with facial difference every day, and very quickly I learned that it\u2019s naive to think that you won\u2019t notice difference. One thing I will now say is that we all have difference, and noticing those differences is healthy and okay. Not choosing a kind reaction is not. \u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>Eventually, I was privileged enough to start accompanying Dina, our director of family programs, on schools visits. We have spoken to and continue to speak to children and young adults from kindergarten all the way through high school. One concern was how to address a natural nervousness\/fear that some children might experience as a result of seeing someone different than them. There have been laughs. There have been stares. There have even been tears. But children, while sometimes careless, are not naturally cruel. There is one thing we tell them repeatedly, and it has been well received at every single school we\u2019ve been to. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cIt is okay to notice someone who looks different. But you have the power to choose your words and choose a kind reaction to difference.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

We teach the kids to ask respectful questions, and use respectful words. Rather than staring, or laughing, or saying, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you?\u201d we speak about using questions like, \u201cMay I ask you about your face? May I ask why you\u2019re different?\u201d We explain that many of our patients are happy to share, while others would rather not, and would rather get to know someone first. When we say this, there seems to be a feeling of relief from both the kids – and the adults – in the audience. Questions are okay. Noticing difference is okay. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>But how do you react when there is no time for a conversation? <\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"

Anibel and myself and the 2018 Panel Luncheon<\/p><\/div>\n

I recently read this article in the LA Times<\/a>, and I found it exactly summed up what I feel I\u2019ve learned in my time at myFace. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>Staring isn\u2019t staring if you smile and say hi. What a beautiful thought. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>A parent once asked me after a presentation, \u201cWhat is a kind reaction if you see someone who looks different, but it\u2019s not in the playground, or at school? What if you\u2019re never going to see that person again but you get caught staring?\u201d <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>I thought for a moment – because while we focus a lot on interacting with people with difference, we do often focus on long-term interaction. School, playgrounds, and so on. What if you react to someone different on the street? On the subway? At a stoplight? How to you choose kind if your interaction is only going to be fleeting? <\/span><\/p>\n

I would say most of all, don\u2019t ignore the person. Don\u2019t look away. Don\u2019t deliberately pretend they aren\u2019t there. That erases a basic element of human interaction that we all crave. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>If you have time, say hello. Smile. And here\u2019s something I truly think would make a difference – if you get caught staring, smile, and say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry for staring.\u201d <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>That\u2019s it. That\u2019s the beginning of choosing kindness. Smiling. <\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I first started working at myFace, one of the things I was most afraid of was hurting someone\u2019s feelings. I had no experience with craniofacial difference prior to working here, and I know going in that I was going to be meeting new people, people who looked very different<\/p>\n

Leer m\u00e1s<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8009,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8003","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","category-resources"],"yoast_head":"\nStaring isn't staring if you smile - myFace<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you have time, say hello. Smile. 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